How do you take control?
People who struggle with feelings of sadness or stress often also struggle with a need to control. Since they often see their emotions and circumstances as something they cannot control, they turn it outward to others.
What Is a People Pleaser, Really?
Are you always taking care of others? Dishing out advice, solving problems, taking on tasks and errands, doing favors? This may be more about you than you think.
This is not to say you don’t want the best for the people in your life, or have conscious ulterior motives. But the next time you put someone before yourself, think about this.
When we give so much of ourselves to others, we are satisfying a need to control how others perceive us. If they see us as caring, organized, productive, capable, or powerful in their lives, we can finally be those things.
However, this inauthentic way of feeling in control can easily blow up in our faces. We give so much to others that we end up resenting them. If they don’t seem grateful enough or take our advice, we feel our efforts were wasted. If we can’t solve their problems, we go back to feeling powerless.
A Powerful Choice: Taking Care of Yourself
The trouble with people-pleasing is that you lose yourself. You lose sight of what you want or need, you lose your independence, and you transfer all of your worries to someone else. Once you realize this, the most powerful choice you can make is to take care of yourself.
Taking care of yourself involves just two things:
- Spending quiet time alone.
- Learning more about yourself.
You’re never “wasting time” when you go for a long walk or sit down with your singing bowl. These are deeply healing practices that teach us to deal with ourselves. We are making the choice to play a powerful role in our own day instead of someone else’s.
Spending Your Energy Wisely
In the past, much of your energy may have gone to others. Fulfilling their needs and maintaining relationships where you are not an equal priority.
Imagine how empowering it would be to spend your energy on yourself instead. You can examine your own feelings, heal your own wounds, and solve problems you didn’t even notice you had. You can spend time thinking about your life and its many blessings, however small they are, create art, and do sound therapy at home. You can be great at your job just because personal success and accomplishments are more important than lightening someone else’s load.
Each day, give your best energy to yourself. Your forgiveness, encouragement, promises, and care belong to you first and foremost. When healing and empowerment are something you reserve for you, it creates authentic selflessness and healthy emotional balance. And that creates authentically healthy, supportive relationships that everyone deserves.
What do you do to take care of yourself? Have you learned anything about yourself through singing bowls? Let us know in the comments.